Unincorporated
by jduran89
Summary: What would happen if the Street Fighters were to live in their own little town? Find as the characters hilariously attempt to do so! Rated M for language and random silliness. Apologies for any messed-up formatting - I blame the uploading processt.


**Unincorporated**

A _Street Fighter_ Fan-Fic by jduran89

© 2009 Josh D. "Whitey" Blanco (if anything isn't already copyrighted yet =P)

It's been over four years since the last time I wrote a fan-fic for anything.

So after picking up the e-pen once again and deciding to write a little something in my free time, I decided to land myself on a recently new favorite series of mine: the _Street Fighter_ franchise.

But what to write?

I decided to forgo the usual route of thinking of new inspiration and instead delved into the favorited works from long ago – from the time I first dove into the fanfiction world.

I came across an old favorite-slash-inspiration, _Isolation Will do that to You_ by LadyCroft, and felt inspired to do something similar, yet different and with my form of humor.

Of course, seeing as how she beat me to my favorite all-time franchise (in my book, it goes _Metal Gear_ first, _Avatar: The Last Airbender _and _Pokémon_ both tied at hair's width of a short second, _Code Geass_, then everything else), I figured I might as well do something new.

So I picked a series and it happened to be _Street Fighter_, and here we are – you reading this and me typing (er, _done_ typing)! I'm aware that there's many humor fics for this awesome franchise, but please note that I've never read anything _SF_-related on . I apologize if I look any similar to anyone – I promise you it's pure coincidence. Now that that's out of the way, please enjoy!

**(Author's Note:** I'm a more recent _Street Fighter_ fan. While I respected and revered it in the past, it's only now (sadly) that I have gotten into the series. I'm still learning new things that shock me almost every day (like how Chun-Li is a charge character… that was a page-turner for me), so forgive me if I go against canon or anything like that. However, I won't apologize for OOC-ness… it's a humor ficcy, after all. Heh.**)**

**(Author's Note 2:** I'll be using the English naming system-thingy – M. Bison being the Shadaloo leader, Vega being the Spanish narcissist, and Balrog being the blatant Mike Tyson copy. It's how I grew up knowing the characters, so if you have a problem with it, tough. 'Sides, Balrog sounds ugly for the crazed claw-wielding Spaniard. I'm sure he'd agree, too…**)**

**DISCLAIMER:**

Capcom owns the _Street Fighter_ franchise. Anything that looks like it isn't mine probably isn't mine, either. All I have that's _Street Fighter_ related (during the time I wrote this disclaimer) is a Chun-Li figurine, so I know better than to take the characters as mine…

**RATING:**

"R." Because apparently, an uncensored F-word makes anything "R" rated, no matter the rest of the content. So to cover up that problem, I'll rate it as such (even though you'll probably find this as a PG-13 thing…).

**GENRE:**

HUMOR (As if I really need to explain why…)

**Unincorporated**

**CHAPTER ZERO:**

_**"A Dive in an Empty Pool"**_

The definition of an unincorporated area is (according to Wikipedia on February 25th, 2009) is _"a region of land that is not a part of any municipality"_ – and that's probably the simplest it can get.

Now, seeing as how this is a fan fic, one just happened to appear in an undisclosed area of southern California one sunny day in 2009. M. Bison, ruthless dictator-of-the-world-to-be-slash-leader of the underground crime syndicate Shadaloo, was driving through the Pacific Coast Highway and saw a huge lot of nice-looking houses with families enjoying a nice Saturday breeze and the warm California weather.

Bison came to the front of the neighborhood.

He came.

He saw.

He plowed through the entire community and killed everyone via one well-placed Psycho Crusher.

And by well-placed I mean only the people who lived in the houses and that runaway dog your neighbors whined about were killed. Don't worry; the buildings were fine.

Afterwards, he pulled out his cell phone and started calling the rest of the _Street Fighter_ crew – or rather, the _Street Fighter_ cast the author was familiar with right off the bat.

Twelve hours, four passenger jet planes, six cars, one _Street Fighter IV_ tournament, and numerous "what the fucks" later 19 people were gathered on the street.

Ryu was seen beating the pulp out of a _Street Fighter IV_ arcade machine. "That's what I think of your 'Bloody High Claw,' you stupid joke character!"

Dan Hibiki, who somehow apparently won the _SFIV_ tournament, just looked on and sweatdropped. "I see your point, but, uh… this isn't my arcade console. It's Ken's."

Ryu stopped punching and looked over at Ken Masters, who was retaliating by keying the words "Ryu is a dick" on Ryu's rent-a-car.

"What the hell!" shouted Ryu. "I didn't get the insurance!"

"Exactly," Ken replied. "I didn't pay for the car. _You_ did."

"Why, you - !"

Sakura Kasugano, who had been watching the two arguing, decided to get everyone else to watch them by screaming "MORTAL KOMBAT!"

Right before the two rivals were about to start their own real life _Street Fighter_ tournament, a loud, megaphone-amplfied "SHUT UP!" was heard. The two "contestants" and their spectating crowd looked over and saw Bison, slowly glowing purple with his Psycho power, clenching his teeth and crushing the megaphone in one of his hands.

"Okay," he began, slowly returning to normal. "Now that I have your attention, I came up with the most brilliant idea EVER."

"What, take over the world?" an obviously bored Cammy asked. If anyone knew Bison's clichéd plans of world domination full and full, it'd be his former "Killer Bee."

"Yes, because that's what I love doing in my spare time: something that I'm already doing in my regular job. _No, something else!_" Bison cleared his throat and turned around to face the numerous houses, spreading his arms wide as if he achieved a great victory over an arduous battle. "I give you: our new home city!"

The other 18 people looked on in confusion.

"Hey, what exactly do you mean by '_our_ new _home_ city'? You planning to uproot us from where we live?" a puzzled Chun-Li asked. "Because I have a meeting with Interpol on Monday and it's taking place in this really great dumpling shop back in China."

"Yeah," Ryu chimed in. "Give us a good reason why we should move out here to California."

"Well, it's hard to explain, really…" Bison responded. "Some fanfiction author with the penname 'jduran89' e-mailed me and asked if we wanted to start a sort-of reality series-based story where we all just lived by ourselves in a Southern California city and see how long we last."

"Oh, God; _another_ fan-fic author using us for others' entertainment?" Guile exclaimed. "Please don't tell me you said 'yes' and signed us off to more psychological torture."

Silence. Bison started twiddling his thumbs as everyone stared. Finally, one pissed off Zangief slowly uttered something that the rest of the crowd would agree with:

"GODDAMMIT." A few in the crowd could've sworn they heard the word "Comrade" after that, but they knew the Red Cyclone would suplex them if they voiced their thoughts.

As the group started moaning their protests, the Shadaloo leader started defending the proposition. "Hey, he promised us a lot of money! We'd be getting around 20 million dollars per episode _each_!"

The group stopped bickering. Bison just grinned. "American dollars. Now all of a sudden you're thinking about reconsidering, aren't you?"

"Maybe," Fei-Long started. "First off, what do you mean by 'episode,' and secondly: what exactly does this guy want us to do again?"

Bison started explaining. "Well, one: by episode, he actually means chapters. So whenever he decides to end a storyline, we'll all be 20 million richer and I'll be one step closer to taking over the world. And second: he wants us to just live in our own community. Just see how we live with one another and what not."

"So it's like _Kid Nation_ without the suck."

"Basically."

"Hey! I loved that show!" Dan protested.

"Nobody cares, loser," a bored Edmond Honda said. "So, we just… live in the neighborhood. By ourselves. With nothing but houses. No stores or anything. How're we supposed to live here with just houses?"

Bison pulled out a laptop from thin air, because world dictators with crazy superpowers have apparently found ways to access hammerspace other than being a short-tempered girl in an anime. "Says here that the town will magically build itself to our basic needs and concerns, and that we should work from there. All we have to do is think it and as long as it's a reasonable thought, it should appear."

"So… let's say I wanted to run a catering business."

An explosion was heard coming from the town. The group looked over and saw two houses imploding as a modern, small shop erupted from the ashes. On it was a huge sign with something in Japanese katakana. Under the glyphs was something in English: "Hondatakimasu."

"SWEET!" the sumo wrestler exclaimed! "I'm in!"

Murmurs from the crowd started leaking as some slowly approved of this crazy idea. Dhalsim, being the crazy guy he is, teleported to the top of Hondatakimasu and looked around. The crowd was confused at his actions until he pointed at another house and shouted "THERE!"

It exploded and a newer-looking building sprung up. This one had a sign that said "Yoga Fire." Subtitled under it: "Yoga Psychotherapy Center."

Dhalsim teleported back into the crowd, showing off his ability to defy Earth physics by floating a foot off the ground. "I think I'll give it a shot, too."

Bison looked at the crowd, chatting away like ever. "Hey, the rest of you who haven't talked yet! What do you think?"

Everyone who talked looked around to identify the others who've stayed silent. They all looked at Blanka, who was the only green… …person… present. Hence, it kinda would've been obvious to know if he talked.

Blanka felt the stares of the group upon him. "What?"

The Shadaloo leader floated towards the green fighter. "Do you think this is a good idea?"

"Sure, I guess. I mean, I don't really have anything better to do…"

Bison grinned and then noticed a group of three people standing off to the side: his Grand Masters. He floated over to them and stared as they stared back at him.

Finally, Sagat broke the uneasy silence with a semi-angry-sounding "What." No, that's not a grammatical error; Sagat just said the word rather than asking.

"Are you three in? I'm pretty sure I can't run this place by myself."

"What do you mean by 'you' can't run this place?" an angered Vega exclaimed, throwing his trademark mask to the ground. "What if _I_ want to be in charge of the town?"

"You!? _I_ have more money than you! _I_ should be in charge, pretty boy!" a hot-headed Balrog yelled.

"Oh, nobody cares about your fight money, Mister What's-A-Kick. Everyone knows that looks are everything in leadership and I obviously have the looks." Vega proceeded to lick his trademark claw, which for some unknown reason had fresh blood on it.

"But I'm American, and Americans are better than sissy Spanish noblemen by default! And I have fight money!"

All of a sudden, a "WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP!?" echoed from the other side of the crowd. Standing there was a glowing Akuma, who looked like he was going to forgo his fighting code for a few seconds and straight-out kill the two arguing Grand Masters.

Ryu was startled by Akuma's voice and turned around. "Uh, what are you doing here?"

"Same reason you are. Bison called and I came. Plus, I was Gen's ride." He pointed over to a beat-up Toyota, where a passed-out Gen was sitting in the back seat.

"Oh."

"That, and I'm also expanding my chain."

Rose walked up to them and chimed in. "What, you mean Akumart?"

"Of course! You think UDON was joking about that now-infamous piece of art? I figured I might as well open up a shop here and expand a little bit."

"And Gen?" She looked over at the former assassin, who was muttering something about how fictional retired old guys involved in martial arts can bend the laws of physics and gravity.

"Same thing except with his restaurant. And something about a place to drink, but I'm not sure why."

Vega was growing impatient. "Would both of you shut up? I think that we need to nominate a leader for this little town of ours and call it a day." He paused and started to pose. "I, of course, nominate myself to be the mayor."

Balrog rolled his eyes and started pounding his fists together. Like usual, his gloves were on. "Well, I'll do the same for myself! We can't let a Spaniard run an American city!"

Blanka started to interrupt. "But currently, California's being run by the Governator. And for those of you who don't know, Arnold Schwarzenegger is Austrian."

"Well, that's different! We're talking about our town here!"

"I know, I know. So, how about we just have an impromptu nomination-slash-speech seminar and do the voting from there?"

Everyone stared at the green beast as if he just gave birth to a can of potatoes that was on fire.

"What!?" Blanka asked. "Am I not allowed to be intelligent because I'm a feral beast-thing?"

Short silence. Dan was the first to break it. "JIMMY FOR MAYOR!"

"WHAT!?"

_**Several hours later…**_

After much arguing amongst themselves, the gang found themselves at a nearby In-N-Out Burger, stuffing themselves with awesome foods of goodness.

M. Bison stood up, holding a microphone in his right hand and a Double-Double in his left. "Okay, I just got an e-mail from jduran89. I talked to him about this 'mayor' idea and he was okay with it. So, if you want to run for mayor, simply stand up and give a speech to the rest of us."

The group nodded in response.

_**M. Bison's Speech**_

Bison took another bite from his burger and continued. "Okay, now that you all got it, it's only natural that I start off… with myself!"

Annoyed groans were heard from Cammy and Rose while Sagat threw his hands in the air, shouting "Go, Bison!" The rest of the group slowly started clapping. Slowly.

Bison started using his Psycho power to float in the air. The group just stared blankly as the random other people in the fast food place stared in awe.

As the clapping died off, Bison cleared his throat. "Alright, as a man who likes to get straight to the point, I'll just say this: I should be mayor because I came up with the idea!"

"Uh, no, you didn't," Cammy stated. Clearly, she was uninterested with his so-called "speech" as she was busy jabbing her Animal-style fries. "It's that author-kid-person's idea. And besides, that's the _worst_ reason you could give to make us vote for you."

"Well, what if I said I'd give you a kitten if you voted for me?"

Instantly, the Killer Bee's eyes turned all anime-styled – the kind you see when they're about to give that passionate "I love [insert noun here]!" speech. She stood up, excitedly yelling: "KITTY? I WANT A KITTY! GO, BISON!"

Blanka put a hand on Cammy's shoulder to get her to sit down. "No, Cammy. That would be bribery, which would make Bison disqualified if he did something like that."

"No, it wouldn't," the dictator retorted. "Stop being smart, ya' green freak."

"Just shut up, sit down, and let the next person go up."

"JIMMY FOR MAYOR!"

"Shut _up_, Dan!"

_**Vega's Speech**_

Vega stood up whilst Blanka and Dan were arguing. "Okay, while they continue to argue, we might as well have the next – and best, might I add – candidate give his speech."

Fei-Long looked unimpressed. "Okay, and who would that be?"

"Why, _me_, of course!" the Spanish ninja flaunted. "I think you should vote for me because the town will fall due to its ugliness! Someone should help make our village beautiful, and that someone should be me!"

Silence. No applause. There was a little girl crying in the corner, but that was because Dan called her stupid for not wanting to learn Saikyo style.

"Well, thank you for nothing. Don't vote for me and I'm sure this town will rot in Hell!"

More silence. More crying from the little girl, who was now running to her mommy and telling her what Dan said.

_**Ken Masters' Speech**_

Ken stood up, revealing a very messy ketchup stain on his stomach. Ryu burst out laughing. "Oh, stuff it," the blonde one said. "At least I didn't spill my milkshake all over my karategi."

"What? I didn't spill anything on my – "

Ken proceeded to toss Ryu's milkshake onto him, staining his traditional white outfit.

M. Bison stood up. "Hey, stop it! Ken, you're disqualified!"

"WHAT!?"

Blanka just stared in disbelief. "Oh, so all of a sudden you want to play by the rules?"

Bison looked back to respond. "Sure… if it means that the others get kicked off the ballot for it."

_**Sagat's Speech**_

As Ryu started to clean himself off and Ken walked outside to shoryuken all the trees in anger, the seven-foot-four eyepatch-wearing giant we know as Sagat stood up. "I'd like to go next."

"Let's hear it, then," Dhalsim replied. _Finally_, he thought, _a person who seems stable enough to properly lead a town of crazy people like those Shotos or Bison._

Unfortunately, karma didn't seem to be kind to Dhalsim. Sagat let out a hearty laugh and proceeded with his speech.

"As the king of Muay Thai and the tallest person here, it should be obvious that I am the most genetically superior person here! Therefore, I should be mayor!"

"That's _it_?" Dhalsim protested. "Surely you're joking. There's gotta be something legitimate about you that should make you a prime candidate."

Sagat looked around for a minute, thinking of an idea. After a minute, he had one: "I have an eyepatch!"

"Vat?" Zangief exclaimed in his thick Russian accent. "I vith Dhalsim on this. Vat make eyepatch _sooo_ special that ve have vote you?"

"Well, look at history…" He started thinking, and then he started counting people off with his fingers. "Big Boss, Fujin, King Bradley, Wolf O'Donnell, Solidus Snake, Roy Mustang… all of those people are kickass! And they _got_ to be kickass because of their eyepatches!"

"But those fictional people. Ve real people. Real people like me be kickass without eyepatch!"

"That," Dhalsim interjected, "and King Bradley only wore one so nobody would figure out he was really the homunculus Pride."

Without warning, Sakura let out a shrill "WHAT!?" Those near her felt like she shattered their eardrums. "Wh-what do you mean Bradley is Pride? Goddammit, now I can't finish _Fullmetal Alchemist_ anymore!"

Bison cleared his throat. "For that, you're disqualified."

"That makes no sense!" the Muay Thai champion exclaimed. "Disqualified for what?"

"Voting Stature 37: The Eyepatch-Leads-to-Spoilers Clause!" The dictator began floating and glowing purple.

"There's no such thing as - !"

"YES, THERE IS! I AM GOD! PEOPLE OWE ME MONEY, FOR I HATE EYEPATCHES!"

"…"

"…"

"…you know, there's only one way that line could be even more random than it already is."

"I NEED SCISSORS! 61!"

"…and there you go." Sagat just sat down, admitting defeat, and proceeded to finish off his fries. Everyone else just looked at each other in sheer confusion.

"JIMMY FOR MAYOR!"

"I said _shut up_, Dan!"

_**Cammy's Speech**_

Cammy stood up, bored from poking her Animal-style fries with a fork. "I'd like to go next."

Bison motioned for her to continue. "Go on, Killer Bee."

"The name's Cammy, Bison. I don't work for you anymore."

"Whatever. Just start talking."

Cammy proceeded to propel herself on top of a table via the Hooligan. When she landed, she cleared her throat and proceeded to speak. "When it comes to responsibility, I believe that someone requires not only the ability to lead, but the ability to help all the people they are required to help and then some. Some do it by pardons while others focus on the legal matters. If you vote for me, however, I will focus on the important things and make sure our town is safe, secure, peaceful, and a fun place to live."

Some of the others murmured amongst themselves. Cammy could very well be the mayor of their town.

"That is why if you vote for me, I shall do my duty and shelter the homeless, nurse the sick, and feed the hungry!"

The murmurs grew louder, and they all sounded like they were approving of the British vixen.

"I, Cammy, swear to you that when I become mayor, all the cats of the world will be saved!"

Everyone just fell silent and sweatdropped. Cammy, noticing the silence, awkwardly got off the table and returned to prodding her Animal-style fries with her fork.

_**Ryu's Speech**_

Some time passed. The girl that Dan made cry paragraphs ago now was laughing with glee as her mother beat the shit out of the comic relief character. Everyone laughed and applauded, along with Ryu, who stood up, ready to give his amazing speech.

Or, at least he _was_. Without warning, Bison shouted "DISQUALIFIED!" at the milkshake-stained fighter.

"For what? What did I do?"

"You're a shoto. 'Nuff said."

"…that's the – !"

"He's right," Rose chimed in. "Half the time I play _Street Fighter IV_ online all I see is either you, Ken, Akuma, or Sakura being controlled by scrubs who don't know better than to pick a better character such as myself or my soul's evil counterpart."

"Well, I'm balanced _and _I'm the franchise mascot, so nyah."

"HAH!" Bison slammed his fist on his table and pointed at the Japanese fighter. "There's my official reason! Article 14, Subsection C: 'No bragging about positions of already-established fame.' You lose!"

As Ryu sat down, Rose decided to rub some salt on his metaphorical wounds. "Well, _you're_ disqualified and _I'm_ not, so _nyah_." She stuck her tongue out to prove her point.

"You're not even running for Mayor!"

"Still doesn't change the fact that you got disqualified. Shoto noob."

_**Sakura Kasugano's Speech**_

The moment Sakura stood up, Bison turned to her and yelled, "DISQUALIFIED!"

"What!? I haven't even said anything. Hell, I haven't even _done_ anything! Don't tell me you're doing the 'No Shoto' rule with me, too!"

The dictator sneered as if he was offended. "What? I wouldn't pull the same rule twice! That's not why I'm kicking you off the ballot!"

"Then what ridiculous law of yours did I happen to break?"

Bison gave a flat look as if he really had to say it. "You're a minor. Plain and simple."

"…WHAT!? But Cammy's – !"

"Cammy's a military soldier. You're just a whiny high school brat. That, and your outfit makes horny otakus go nuts and make the rest of the general _Street Fighter_ community look bad!"

"How so? Is it because of my extremely short _seifuku_?"

"Well…" the dictator started. _Crap. I can't say why; otherwise I'd look like a pedo,_ he thought._ Oh, wait, I know!_ "Hey, Gen!"

Everyone turned to the old assassin, who for some reason had his head slammed down into a burger and a straw partially inserted in his ear. Alcohol or senility, nobody could tell.

Bison ignored Gen's newfound… eccentricity, if one could call it that… and proceeded to ask him, "What was it you raided with Akuma and me last week?"

For once in his life, Akuma's face showed fear. "Bison, what raid are you talking about?" Panic could be heard in his voice. "I haven't told everyone that we play - !"

"The "clothes drawers" kind of raid, Akuma, _not_ the 'Need DPS for Onyxia 25 then G2G' kind!"

"Oh…" Akuma looked around, slightly embarrassed, hoping that nobody caught on that he recently started playing the addictively-fun MMO _World of Warcraft_. "Uh, carry on. What did we raid last week, Gen?"

Mutters came from the drunk. Then, he raised his head. A tomato covered his left eye and there was lettuce in his mouth. "PANTIES!" he exclaimed before slamming his head back onto the burger with a "splort."

M. Bison pointed at Gen right when he said that. "Exactly!" Every time you jump, fall, or get knocked over, your skirt moves and flashes to the world your freakin' bloomers."

"…meaning…?" the girl responded.

"It means he's using indecent exposure as grounds for disqualification," Blanka interpreted. "Sit down and let the next person speak."

Sakura sat down, not knowing that her chair _wasn't_ where she was sitting. She instantly fell and just had that whole "I feel dumb" face on her. People laughed. Then people stopped. Then they laughed again when they heard Dan crying after getting pummeled 48 times with a purse.

_**Chun-Li's Speech**_

The spring beauty stood up and began speaking. "Well, I think I should be mayor because – "

"DISQUALIFIED!"

Groans came from practically everyone. "Good Lord, Boss," Vega complained. "What now!?"

Bison began to speak but stopped himself. "…uh, actually… nothing. Sorry; habit."

The spring beauty just looked at the dictator, then back to the crowd. "If you voted for me, I would make sure that I would rule fairly and justly. No iron fists or totalitarianism or evil syndicates or anything like that. Our town will be safe and secure in all aspects of the words, and it will be an enjoyable place to live in – "

"Will there be cats for us all?" Cammy inquired. Clearly this was one of those days where her cat obsession was highest.

"Uh… sure," Chun-Li slowly stated. Maybe she was getting sick of how the cute British girl idolized cats as a full-time job. "If you want, Cammy, I can even sponsor an animal shelter program where you can take care of stray cats."

"WAI~! I'm in! Go, Chun-Li!"

"…that's nice; thanks. Anyway I don't think tyrannical dictators-to-be who kill other people's fathers should be allowed to – "

Bison stood up and put his hand on his forehead. "Oh, my God, not _this_ again! I thought you and I got over this in counseling!"

"We _could have_ if you didn't _kill_ Doctor Harrison!"

"Hey, I admitted that I _did_ murder your father! That was the first step! Doesn't that count for something?"

"I'm not sure." She pulled out her cell phone. "Here, let me call Doctor Harri- OH. HE'S _DEAD_."

"You know _what_, bitch, just get the hell out of here!"

Chun-Li smirked. "That's what she said."

Everyone stared at Bison, who remained silent, knowing he'd been utterly had. Nothing was said for ten seconds until Gen lifted his head from his smashed burger, complete with tomato-eye.

"BURN!"

Bison sat down in shame as Chun-Li continued. "Well, vote for me, and I'll make sure no tyrannical dictators-to-be will ever seize power in the world!"

Applause. Gen just smashed his head on his burger again.

_**Guile's… Speech?**_

Guile stood up and started fixed his hair. Twenty minutes and one aerosol can of hair spray later, he finally put his comb down.

Akuma muttered under his breath. "'Bout time. Americans and their self-centered lavishness."

The soldier cleared his throat. "This method of voting and speech-giving is an example of how great democracy is! And as such, if you believe in democracy, believe in America! And if you believe in America, believe in the military. Vote for Charlie!"

Silence. The _Street Fighter_ crew just looked at Guile like he was an idiot. The aerosol in his hairspray cans must've finally taken its toll.

Chun-Li decided to voice everyone's (possible) opinion about the American's speech. "Charlie's dead, dumbass!" she yelled.

Bison chuckled. "Yeah, Guile. Remember: _I_ killed him!"

Chun-Li just glared at Bison. "And _you_ killed my – !"

"Yes, yes, I killed your father." He sighed. "What _is_ it with you women, anyway? I killed my father, too, and you don't hear _me_ whining about it!"

Ryu's face blanched. "Did you just reference that horrible 90's cartoon InVision Entertainment made of us?"

"Yes, I did," Bison replied. "What're you going to do about it, Mister 'World's Greatest Pillow Fighter?' Bash me to death with Egyptian cotton?"

Ryu couldn't respond. He only cried.

Bison grabbed another Double-Double and took a bite out of it, smiling evilly. "THIS IS DELICIOUS!"

Ryu fell onto the floor, got into a fetal position, and cried some more. Cammy started laughing.

Bison took another bite, swallowed it, and looked at Cammy. "Just get on the plane."

Cammy joined Ryu on the floor, balled up, and started crying, too.

_**Balrog's Speech**_

Balrog decided to get up. "I guess we saved the best for last! Vote for me, and I'll kick crime out of this city!"

Everyone laughed like crazy over Balrog's last statement.

"…what's so funny?"

Sagat was able to temporarily suppress his laughter. "Because you don't know what a kick is! How do you expect to kick crime out of the city if you can't even identify a leg-based attack?"

"…"

"Exactly!" The giant man began to laugh some more.

_**Blanka's "Not a Speech" Speech**_

Once the laughter died down, Bison looked around. Nobody else looked like they were going to give a speech.

"…but come on, Jimmy! It'll be fun! Just give a short makeshift speech and call it a day."

"Dan, for the umpteenth time, I will _not_ give a speech. I don't feel like running an unincorporated town, so there's nothing anyone can do to make me give a speech!"

"I'll buy you a Double-Double."

Silence. Blanka's response: "…fine." So the green feral-person-thing stood up, cleared his throat and looked around at the rest of the Street Fighters. "Well…" he slowly began.

"Are you seriously gonna give a speech?" Bison asked/ "I wanted to call it quits but I guess you're gonna give a 15-minute speech, huh?"

"No, actually. I just wanted to say that if you voted for me, you must be insane. But if I _did_ win, I'd do what I can to make sure this town stays fun, safe, and enjoyable. That's it; you happy now?"

Silence. And then thunderous applause. Blanka facepalmed himself.

_**Hours Later at Hondatakimasu…**_

Everyone was gathered in front of Honda's catering business, awaiting the results of the voting process that the author was too lazy to write down.

"Okay," Bison began. He was standing in front of a lectern with a blank, unmarked envelope in his hand. "I hold here the results of the mayoral voting process. Now, whoever wins can decide who is part of the staff. Is everyone here to witness these events?"

"Yeah!"

"Yes, sir!"

"Yes, ve are!"

"Gen just fell unconscious!"

"Put him in the recovery position and leave him be."

"Ew! He smells like three-day old jägerbombs mixed with sauerkraut and vodka!"

"Okay, shut up," Bison continued. "First things first – the position of Lieutenant Mayor. I tallied the votes and the person with the second-most amount of votes will have this job." _And the role of assuming command should I kill the mayor_, he added to himself.

"Just tell us already, Bison! I'm missing _School Rumble_ right now and I still need to reset my TiVo for _Fullmetal Alchemist_!" Sakura shouted out.

Bison simply glared at the schoolgirl and then proceeded to open the envelope. He pulled out a small piece of paper and looked at it before staring at the crowd. "Sagat!"

A "What." sounded out. Again, not a typo.

"Congratulations, you've won the position of Lieutenant Mayor!"

The giant jumped for joy over the news of his win. "Yes! This proves how genetically superior – WAIT. WHO BEAT ME!?"

Bison shrugged. "I dunno. I just got these envelopes moments before the _'Hours Later at Hondatakimasu'_ line showed up. I'm just as surprised as you are."

"Well… at least I'm Lieutenant Mayor. But who beat me? Can we see who voted for who?"

"Not yet. I still need to announce who won the position of Mayor."

Bison pulled out a gold-leafed envelope and proceeded to rip it open. He looked at the card and gazed at the audience, but did a double-take. "WHAT!?" His jaw dropped.

Everyone else (minus Gen) looked at each other with a dumbfounded look.

"Uh, Bison…" Ryu began. "…who is it?"

Bison failed to respond. His jaw was still hanging.

"Uh…"

As Ryu drifted into silence, everyone else started asking away.

"Boss, you okay?"

"Who won, man?"

"Yo, Mister Shadaloo, who is it?"

"Bison, who vun ze erection?"

"It's pronounced "e-_lec_-tion," Zangief. _Not_ "e-_rec_-tion." Keep it in your pants."

"Vy don't you shut za fuck up, Comrade?"

"Bison, tell us already! I got a meeting tonight!"

"Fuzzy pickles ate my hamster's chocolate thong!"

At those lines, Bison shook his head and regained his composure. "Okay, I guess Gen's regained consciousness, right?"

"Diggity!"

"…ooookaaay, I'll take that as a 'yes.' Bison looked at the paper again and still found himself speechless.

"Seriously, dude, who is it?" Ken asked.

"It's… uh… I can't believe this… erm…"

If Dhalsim's eyes had visible pupils, we'd see him rolling his eyes. He teleported behind Bison and peered over his shoulder. As he read the paper, his jaw also dropped.

"Oh, great. Now we got two ugly folks with their mouths gaping because they couldn't believe that I, the great and beautiful Vega, won!" Vega flaunted.

Dhalsim was able to recover quickly. "No, you flamboyant Spaniard, you didn't win!" He grabbed the paper from Bison's hands and flipped it around for the audience and the current reader to see.

On this piece of paper was a giant "BLANKA" – and for some reason, the "K" was reversed.

Everyone was stupefied at the results. Blanka was the first to say something. "WHAT!?"

"Yeah, Jimmy! Jimmy for Mayor!" Dan cheered.

"But I don't wanna be Mayor! I voluntarily step down from this position! Sagat, you're mayor!"

"Screw Sagat! Jimmy, you'll be the best mayor out there! Gimme a reason why you shouldn't be running this shanty-town anyway!"

Blanka thought for a second and then came up with an idea. "Okay, how 'bout this?" He reared his right hand back and punched Dan square in the face, knocking the pink-clad man unconscious. Everyone else stared in shock at Blanka's actions, forcing the green beast to udder a defensive "What?"

A short period of silence followed, which was immediately broken by Gen, who for some reason was holding a bloody sword and wearing a "Rogues do it from behind" T-shirt. Upon closer inspection, we can see that the tomato from In-N-Out was _still_ on his eye. "_GO,_ _BLANKA!_"

The crowd burst into cheers and congratulatory remarks as everyone (minus Dan and Bison, who was still frozen in shock) praised the green beast.

Blanka only sighed and facepalmed as the crowd went on.

Well, that about sums it up for the first "chapter" of _Unincorporated_ and the first ficcy I've worked on in _years_.

Hopefully, you enjoyed reading this and will feel like leaving your two cents in the form of comments.

All comments/suggestions are welcome, and constructive criticism will be the only tolerable form of "flaming" I'll keep.

Well, before I go, here's a little epilogue for you!

Hours later after the announcement of mayor was made, everyone was off doing their own thing… except Bison, who was still frozen in shock. Out of nowhere, a curious Rose walked up to the inanimate would-be dictator.

"…Bison, the fic's wrapping up. You can unfreeze now."

No response.

"Bison… seriously. Come on."

Still nothing.

"If you're really gay terrorist who's still in the closet and can't admit his feelings even though it's the 21st century and that kind of stuff's more or less accepted in the western world, stay silent."

Nothing.

"…okay, then. I guess I'll just leave you here, then, you silly gay terrorist." She walked off.

Bison remained frozen in place. A bird landed on his hat and proceeded to pick at something. And that's when Rose came back, ready to steal the dictator's wallet. As she fished through his pockets, a third envelope fell out. Curious, she grabbed it and opened it up, revealing the voting poll papers everyone used to vote.

"Hm, interesting," she mused to herself as she read through each of the papers. Surprisingly, they were all named, and each had notes by Bison scrawled on them, adding to the humor she'd put herself through when she read 'em…

RYU

Nominated Candidate: Chun-Li

Reason: She's HOT.

Bison's Notes: Not a legitimate reason, but I'll count it.

KEN MASTERS

Nominated Candidate: Blanka

Reason: He made sense.

Bison's Notes: …what? Is Ken on drugs?

CHUN-LI

Nominated Candidate: Blanka

Reason: Probably the only candidate who actually would probably care for the town and not murder people's fathers.

Bison's Notes: Cheap shot if I saw it. Note to self: taunt her endlessly about killing her father.

EDMOND HONDA

Nominated Candidate: Blanka

Reason: It'd be funny.

Bison's Notes: Sounds like the "let's vote for the ugliest person in high school for Prom Queen" joke. Messed up, but funny. Hehehe.

BLANKA

Nominated Candidate: Sagat

Reason: Intimidating tall man sitting behind a desk? Sounds awesome.

Bison's Notes: Then why didn't you vote for ME, you green prick?

ZANGIEF

Nominated Candidate: Blanka

Reason: Comrade made good speech. Remind me of government workings at Kremlin.

Bison's Notes: …this isn't Russia, TARD.

GUILE

Nominated Candidate: Charlie

Reason: VOTE FOR CHARLIE! HE LIVES ON IN YOUR HEARTS!

Bison's Notes: …this is Dhalsim's first client at his psychotherapy center.

DHALSIM

Nominated Candidate: [left blank]

Reason: All of you are insane and/or stupid! I'm not voting for anybody!

Bison's Notes: Says the virgin.

BALROG

Nominated Candidate: Sagat

Reason: Shouldn't have lost that poker game before the voting thing.

Bison's Notes: …this is America. You don't have to vote for him because you lost at Texas Hold 'Em, you dolt.

VEGA

Nominated Candidate: Sakura

Reason: I like 'em young…

Bison's Notes: …uhh… maybe he should wear a Pedobear mask instead…

SAGAT

Nominated Candidate: Sagat

Reason: I AM AWESOME.

Bison's Notes: Says the bastard who rolled Horde? NO.

M. BISON

Nominated Candidate: M. Bison

Reason: BECAUSE I AM ME!

Bison's Notes: DUH!

AKUMA

Nominated Candidate: [left blank]

Reason: All the candidates I WOULD have voted for ninja'd the loot three weeks ago.

Bison's Notes: Get over it, noob. 'Sides, you're a Priest and you don't use polearms…

DAN

Nominated Candidate: Blanka

Reason: Jimmy for Mayor!

Bison's Notes: …I have to put up with his incessant spamming on this crap, too!?

FEI-LONG

Nominated Candidate: Chun-Li

Reason: She sexy. =3

Bison's Notes: Duly noted.

SAKURA KASUGANO

Nominated Candidate: Ryu [there's a bunch of red pen lines scratched out over her writing]

Reason: He's sooooooooooooo sexy. =3 [all the "o's" are in the shape of hearts]

Bison's Notes: Minor. Vote not counted. Stupid high schooler.

CAMMY

Nominated Candidate: Kittens of the World!

Reason: Because who DOESN'T love kittens?

Bison's Notes: ME! Oh, wait… never mind. Note to self: must get cat from Darnassus soon.

GEN

Nominated Candidate: [scrawled on the line where someone's name should've been was a picture of a monkey fucking a coconut]

Reason: [the URL for a Rickroll video on YouTube is written down]

Bison's Notes: *facepalm* How'd I fall for this…?

ROSE

Nominated Candidate: Blanka

Reason: Because he's competent (and sane) enough for the job. Oh, and Bison: if you're reading this, I WIN. =P

Bison's Notes: GODDAMMIT! How does she keep winning this "I Win" game!?

At that, Rose smirked. She knew chaos and hilarity was to ensue in their unincorporated town.

Hehehe. Enjoyed that, didn't you? Well, again, I hope you enjoyed _Unincorporated_. Please leave your love or otherwise, and hopefully I'll post a new chapter soon!

- jduran89


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